If the state of a society can be gleaned from its luxury technology, then nothing sums up the unbridled consumerism quite like this $80 dongle, approximately the size and weight of a two-year-old child, which will add USB-C connectivity to your overpriced tablet at the cost of your convenience and dignity.

Despite spending billions on R&D every year, tech companies seem staggeringly incompetent when it comes to putting the right ports on their devices. Apple went all-in on USB-C for its redesigned MacBook Pro, taking everything else away and adding four USB-C ports, condemning customers to dongle hell if they dared to do something 20th century like use a flash drive.

Meanwhile, Microsoft went entirely the other way, refusing to put the emerging USB-C standard on any of its Surface tablets or laptops, muttering something about USB-C not being ready and promising to release a dongle for those crazy nerds who want to use the agreed-upon worldwide standard for fast data or power transfer.

Well, this is it. Microsoft’s dongle costs $80 and converts the proprietary Surface Connector port into a USB-C port, which you can use for data or power transfer. For some reason, it has taken Microsoft, a company worth $750 billion and which employs around 125,000 people, a full year to build this dongle, and the end result was something far bigger than any of the other USB-C dongles available for other things. There’s probably some reason like power or heat management, but the voice screaming inside my head suggests that if I can charge a tiny GoPro off USB-C, Microsoft can probably make a dongle smaller than my TV’s power adapter.

Anyway, if you haven’t sworn off all technology and gone to live in a cabin in the woods, The Verge reports the Hell Dongle will be available to Microsoft business customers on June 29th.

Chris Mills has loved tinkering with technology ever since he worked out how to defeat the parental controls on his parents' internet. He's blogged his way through Apple events and SpaceX launches ever since, and still keeps a bizarre fondness for the Palm Pre.