What were you planning on doing this evening? Having fun? Interacting with real human beings? Cancel all that, because here’s a wonderfully comprehensive video of Siri describing every single emoji in words.

The folks at Motor1 discovered that if you receive a message containing emoji while using Apple’s CarPlay, Siri describes each individual emoji. So of course, the only logical thing to do was send a text containing every emoji in the book, set a camera to record, and enjoy.

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What I really enjoy about this is how Siri strips any nuance or subtlety or fun out of emoji. They exist to transmit emotions in a more light-hearted way — crying face instead of saying “I find that really funny.” But turning the crying face into “Face with tears” followed by “face smiling with teeth” really kills the magic, like seeing behind the curtain at Disney.

But let’s be real. The actual reason to watch this video is for the emoji that defy description, but Siri has to work on anyway. “Smiling pile of poo” is pretty strong here; listening to Siri describe all the food emoji, which really just sounds like a grocery list, might be the best.

If you manage to sit through all half-hour of the video, please a) come let us know how you survived, and b) give us a run-down of your favorites.

Chris Mills has loved tinkering with technology ever since he worked out how to defeat the parental controls on his parents' internet. He's blogged his way through Apple events and SpaceX launches ever since, and still keeps a bizarre fondness for the Palm Pre.