Anyone with two functioning eyes and one half-decent brain cell watching the broadcast of new Top Gear on Sunday knows that the show was bad. But how do you put that kind of terrible into words?
Luckily, the internet has experience crapping on other people’s endeavours, so I’ll let the collected crowd-wisdom do the talking.
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And those are the people who have to be slightly polite.
I couldn't watch the new #ChrisEvans-fronted #TopGear because I was otherwise enthusiastically committed. pic.twitter.com/1ENNjt3e01
— Martin Williams (@Martin1Williams) May 30, 2016
The Top Gear debrief in the pub last night… pic.twitter.com/c0JFDA4ntN
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) May 31, 2016
This #TopGear is like when you have a friend who thinks they're really good at impressions, but they're really, really not.
— Simon Crisp (@simon_crisp) May 29, 2016
Le Blanc in between takes with shouting Evans…#TopGear pic.twitter.com/GtcsqkoJjA
— Dave Flynn (@Dave_K_Flynn) May 29, 2016
I'm sat here like… #TopGear pic.twitter.com/j7MTXCo4Ux
— Conor =Þ 🇪🇺 (@conorp42) May 29, 2016
The audience are loving it #TopGear pic.twitter.com/jlyNYZODvL
— james (@james_chaundy) May 29, 2016
https://twitter.com/AwardsDarwin/status/737014648713687040
The audience are loving it #TopGear pic.twitter.com/jlyNYZODvL
— james (@james_chaundy) May 29, 2016
I'm really looking forward to watching Top Gear without knowing what happens in the end. #NoSpoilerAlert
— James May (@MrJamesMay) May 29, 2016
In the meantime, viewing figures came out which didn’t paint a particularly rosy picture of the new season. 4.4 million viewers were watching on the BBC on average, with a peak of 4.7 million. That’s down from 5.8 million for Clarkson & Co’s last outing, and well below any series in recent memory.
Chris Evans seemed a little wounded by the hate being thrown his way, so took to Twitter to defend it in the worst way possible: with dodgy statistics:
The new Top Gear is a hit. OFFICIALLY. 23 % audience share. 12% MORE than the opening episode of the last series. These are the FACTS.
— Chris Evans (@achrisevans) May 30, 2016
Top Gear audience grew throughout the hour. FACT. Won its slot. FACT. Still number one on i Player. FACT. These are THE FACTS folks.
— Chris Evans (@achrisevans) May 30, 2016
This would be impressive, if the rival show on BBC One wasn’t Antiques Roadshow.
Whichever way you want to cut it — professional pundits, viewing figures, or the internet — the new series of Top Gear looks to be a flop. The only saving grace was Extra Gear, the behind-the-scenes show with different hosts, and a much better reception.
But if you were looking for a high-budget mix of octane and comedy, well…The Grand Tour, backed by Amazon’s limitless coffers, is probably going to be your best bet.
