“Are you a self-motivated, results-oriented lone wolf?,” Netflix asks in the opening on a job posting on its website. “Do you have a passion for problem-solving and monster-slaying (literally and figuratively)? Does the intersection of a silver sword with magical beasts excite you? If so, read on for an exciting job opportunity from Netflix!” Yes, this is a real thing, as Netflix is apparently recruiting a security associate witcher.
The job posting, found at this link, is a hilarious marketing stunt for its newest TV series, The Witcher, which opened to critical acclaim just a few days ago. The show is already one of Netflix’s most popular shows considering all the online chatter about it, but also Netflix’s own, somewhat questionable rankings.
The job posting has several glorious gems in it that all make references to the movie. For example, here’s what the job entails:
- You’ll be one of many witchers responsible for the tracking and removal of all manners of monsters, beasts, demons, rogues, and more.
- Must have your own equipment! A horse, two swords, and a variety of potions are a must, while armors, chains, and other tools are recommended.
- Multitasking will be your normal. You’ll need to be able to carry out your current job while also providing mentorship for a young witcher because you will come to realize that it is your Destiny.
- Great for nature lovers—you will spend a large amount of your working day out of doors.
- We love horse people! If your best friend and trusted therapist growing up was a horse, you will fit right in.
It gets even better — here’s what the perfect candidate should deliver:
- Hold a four-year degree from an accredited Witcher school or have equivalent life experience
- Be able to lift several hundred pounds overhead repeatedly
- Not be afraid to work independently and spend long periods of time alone; water coolers are few and far between
- Have an innate understanding of the lesser evil and the greater good
- Demonstrate excellent verbal communication skills, knowing how to negotiate with a wide variety of clients; written communication skills are a plus
- Be comfortable with a fast pace in all types of job environments, from city to swamp to forest to mountain
- Maintain flexibility—enough to duck a swinging tentacle or tangle with a ghoul—while being rigid enough to ignore the shouts of a crowd or the magical traps of a wizard
- Agree that the worst monsters are the ones we create
What’s interesting is that Netflix is actually providing instructions on how to apply for the job. You’ll need to provide your name, email, as well as a one-minute video application to an email address crafted for this particular job opening: witcherforhire@netflix.com.
