No self-respecting fan of the Borderlands video game franchise should give even two seconds of thought to the question of whether they ought to head to a movie theater this weekend to check out the film. That’s because the newly released adaptation of the beloved video game has something for everyone to hate — we’re talking god-awful CGI, bad writing, actors who are presumably just in it to collect a paycheck, and a knockoff Guardians of the Galaxy vibe that turns the whole thing into a just a sad, unmemorable bore.
Directed by Eli Roth, Borderlands actually serves as yet another reminder of an unfortunate truth: that top-tier video game adaptations of the Fallout variety are the exception rather than the rule. Which is a shame, because there’s probably a worthwhile Borderlands adaptation to be found in some alternate universe, one where the people who made the film actually love — and, dare I say it, have even played — the games.
Unfortunately, what viewers here are treated to instead is dreck that debuted with a 0% critics’ score on Rotten Tomatoes (which has since ticked up to a measly 6% score as of this writing), partly as a result of miscasting on a truly epic scale.
Most of the actors aren’t even remotely close in age to the characters they’re portraying, to say nothing of the fact that Borderlands includes Kevin Hart among the cast — which, more often than not, is a guarantee all by itself that a movie will bomb.
That said, I’m nothing if not an “every cloud has a silver lining” sort of fellow, and I’m here to tell you that there actually is one of those hiding in plain sight for the disappointed Borderlands fandom. I’m referring to the comments section associated with the movie’s YouTube trailer, which is way, way more entertaining than the 100-minute flop itself.
Among the YouTube comments that made me actually snort, from people responding to the nearly 3-minute trailer that’s been viewed 15 million times so far:
- My house burnt down recently and watching this was still the saddest part of my month.
- How do you do, fellow kids? Skibidi rizz Claptrap!
- Introducing Kevin Hart as Kevin Hart but in Borderlands
- Budget: $36.74
- This movie had better come with a disclaimer: “Possibly inspired by a screenshot of a Borderlands game”
- “I’ve never played the game but someone told me about it” the movie
- Superb work. You can really tell the production team glanced at the Borderlands Wikipedia page.
What did I tell you, right? Absolute gold. But wait, there’s more:
- I haven’t even bought a ticket and I already want my money back.
- How to make sure your movie flops at the box office: Cast Kevin Hart.
- I like the part where it ends.
- You can tell the person in charge of casting bought a copy of Borderlands, looked at the cover, and then threw it away and said “okay I’ve got this.”
And then there’s my personal favorite
- This is like someone told an AI to make a Borderlands movie for people who like the Cheesecake Factory.
Once again, the internet remains undefeated.
Take-Two CEO Strauss Zelnick, for his part, put on a brave front when a journalist asked about the, um, bad reviews — like the one from Rolling Stone that dunked on Borderlands as “an insult to gamers, movie lovers, and carbon-based life forms.” If you’re the CEO of the company that acquired the Borderlands developer, there’s not much you can really do but fly the flag and try not to state the obvious, which is what Zelnick gamely tried to get away with.
“Let’s give the film a chance,” Zelnick told IGN. “A lot of people worked really hard on it. The underlying intellectual property is phenomenal, the cast is amazing, I think the look and feel is really terrific. So let’s see what audiences have to say.”
Okay, let’s do that. Go ahead and see for yourself.
