There’s been a whole lot of chatter recently regarding Apple’s supposed plans to develop a car. Notably, this particular rumor didn’t emerge from anonymous blogs purporting to have connections in Apple’s supply chain, but rather from typically accurate and venerable publications such as The Wall Street Journal and the Financial Times.

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The debate surrounding the practicality of Apple’s alleged car plans aside, Alex Hern of The Guardian recently put together a humorous list detailing 10 unique features an Apple Car could boast.

Below is a quick sampling:

1. The first model will crash, a lot
Everyone knows the advice with Apple products: skip the first generation. The iPod, iPhone, and iPad were all slightly lacklustre, and the first release of the software is generally crash-prone. Fine in an MP3 player; not so good on a highway.

2. The antenna won’t pick up radio (but it’s all your fault)
Are you sure you aren’t just holding the steering wheel wrong? But don’t worry, it’ll soon turn out that other car companies have exactly the same problem, it’s just no one reads their manuals.

3. Bono will be on the stereo, whether you like him or not
You don’t understand, it’s a gift from Tim Cook. A gift which will have you frantically searching through user forums trying to work out how to regift it, and permanently afraid of shuffling songs lest U2’s gentle croons assault you again.

Solid stuff, and there are 10 listings in all so make sure to hop on over to The Guardian for the full comedic experience. And of course, if you have any of your own jabs about what an Apple produced car would look like, feel free to drop em’ into the comments below.

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