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Watch this ridiculous speech that would make even Mike Judge’s Silicon Valley characters blush

May 6th, 2014 at 4:46 PM
Worst Tech Speech Ever

Is parody even possible when it comes to the tech world? It’s a question that needs to be asked in the wake of a speech given this week by Justin Rosenstein, a former Google and Facebook engineer who cofounded Asana in 2008. Speaking at TechCrunch’s Disrupt conference on Monday, Rosenstein delivered a keynote that oozed with every single ridiculous Silicon Valley trope we’ve ever heard and was so hilariously self-important that we can’t even imagine Mike Judge signing off on it in his hit HBO satire Silicon Valley.

If you don’t feel like watching the entire thing, here is a concise list of actual Rosenstein quotes that are even more ridiculous than some of the things we’ve heard Samsung execs say in the past:

  • “We in technology have a greater capacity to change the world than the kings and presidents of even 100 years ago.”
  • “Let’s do great things. Let’s do things that really, substantively help humanity thrive… Let’s dedicate our energy to consciously moving the world in the direction of our dreams.”
  • “I want to live in the beautiful world that we can create together.”
  • “I’m inspired more and more by companies I see that are really helping humanity thrive.”
  • “Imagine if we were able to engineer so much material abundance that it just makes sense to give every person on the planet the resources they need not only to survive, but what they need to achieve their full creative actualized potential.”
  • “Life is short. Youth is finite. And our opportunities are endless. Have you found the intersection of your passion and your potential for a world-shaping positive impact?”
  • “In order to do great things, we must attempt great things… together.”

The pièce de résistance of Rosenstein’s speech was that he actually name-checked HBO’s Silicon Valley and made a reference to characters making “douchy” and self-important speeches, all of which leads us to believe that this might have been one incredible piece of performance art.

You can watch parts of the speech in the video below.

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