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The Onion hilariously reviews ‘Spectre’, calls James Bond a debilitating alcoholic

Spectre Movie Review

Over the weekend, James Bond returned to theaters for the 24th time with the release of Spectre. Starring Daniel Craig, who reprises the role of Bond for the fourth time, Spectre hasn’t exactly received favorable reviews from critics or movie-goers. Some reviews have called it an absolute mess, with a few publications going so far as to call it the worst James Bond movie in years. Meanwhile, on Rotten Tomatoes, the film only has a 62% rating, far below the 93% rating Skyfall earned two years ago.

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So instead of going to the theater and leaving disappointed, your time might be better spent watching this hilarious video review of the movie put together by The Onion. While most serious reviews are concerned with evaluating Spectre’s place within the Bond canon, The Onion takes a far more entertaining approach. Specifically, the review frames Bond as a struggling alcoholic and the film as a tour de force portrayal of one man’s heroic battle against a debilitating addiction.

Narrated by The Onion movie critic Peter K. Rosenthall, the review reads in part:

Directed by Sam Mendes, Spectre tells the harrowing story of James Bond, a British government worker grappling with the day-to-day struggles of alcohol addiction. Burdened with a stressful job and facing problems at work, James makes the risky choice to engage in some casual drinking to take the edge off. Willfully ignoring his past issues with alcohol, he tells himself he can have just one Martini. He pretends he’s different from other problem-drinkers. But then, 10 cocktails later, James is back in the personal hell of decision making that consistently lands him and millions of alcoholics like him in life-threatening situations. For those of us with an alcoholic loved one, the cycle of addictive behavior Daniel Craig so brilliantly portrays will be all too familiar.

As far as comedic movie reviews go, it doesn’t get any better than that. That said, make sure to check out the expertly produced movie review of the film below. If early reviews are any indication, you’ll probably enjoy it more than the actual movie.

Yoni Heisler has been writing about Apple and the tech industry at large for over 15 years. A life long Mac user and Apple expert, his writing has appeared in Edible Apple, Network World, MacLife, Macworld UK, and TUAW. When not analyzing the latest happenings with Apple, Yoni enjoys catching Improv shows in Chicago, playing soccer, and cultivating new TV show addictions.