The Super Bowl is supposed to be a celebration of all-American work ethic and merit, sprinkled with some consumerism. It’s also supposed to be a Justin Bieber-free zone, as he’s a Canadian and there’s meant to be one day per year that Canada doesn’t ruin.

So what exactly was T-Mobile thinking of with its ad for the Super Bowl this year?

The ad is in some kind of awkward history documentary style jabout celebrations, narrated by a Justin Bieber who found all the extra props from Eminem’s Stan music video. It is, by every objective metric I can think of, completely awful.

It’s also studded with celebrities and well-produced, which means T-Mobile spent serious money on it. Next time, do another round of the Mario thing, save Justin Bieber’s appearance fee, and don’t make me gouge my eyes out with a blunt spoon in the middle of a perfectly good football game.