Apple latest iPhone models hit stores late last week, prompting all sorts of comparisons with existing devices from the competition, especially Android-powered flagships from Apple rivals. The Onion did not sit idly by while tech sites looked at the differences between iPhone 6 models and high-end Android handsets, preparing a hilarious iPhone 6 vs. Galaxy S5 comparison of its own.

FROM EARLIER: Ultimate showdown: iPhone 6 vs. Galaxy S5, LG G3 and HTC One (M8)

“Apple released its highly anticipated large-screen iPhone 6 Plus in stores today, which will square off against the Samsung Galaxy S5 for dominance of the ‘phablet’ market,” The Onion wrote in a short introduction before a table specs comparison between the two – though the Galaxy Note 4 is technically the ‘phablet’ that will compete against the iPhone 6 Plus.

The iPhone 6 is a “sleek, sophisticated rounded rectangle” that caters to “appearance-conscious assholes,” while the Galaxy S5 is a “bulky, hideous rounded rectangle” for “technology-conscious prick.” The former also comes with an iPhone charger, but the latter doesn’t. As for on-board stylus, neither model has one, and it looks like The Onion really hates them in the first place.

If you’re having trouble understanding the “case” row, you should know that C 11-1846 is the first U.S. lawsuit between Apple and Samsung (the one in which Samsung lost almost a billion in damages), while C 12-0630 refers to the second lawsuit (in which Samsung only lost a $120 millions in damages).

The full comparison from The Onion follows below.

iphone-6-vs-galaxy-s5-the-onion

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