With the insane Comcast cancellation call still fresh in our minds, the idea of having to make that call yourself can be a little daunting. Who wants to sit through an endless diatribe from a grumpy Comcast customer service agent, even if the representative isn’t as combative or persistent as the one Ryan Block dealt with? Thankfully, you might not have to once you read through this leaked guidelines manual for members of the Comcast retention team.
The Verge published the entire contents of the manual on Monday, provided to them by a former Comcast employee. In the manual, the conversation is broken into 13 sections, from greeting the customer to documenting the results of the call, and each section has a grading system to determine whether or not the representative is meeting the company’s expectations.
It’s fascinating stuff, but the part we’re really interested in bears this title: “Save Attempt is Not Applicable in the Following Scenarios.” So if you use any of these as an excuse for canceling your service, you might just get out without having to battle the representatives who are just trying to do their jobs. Here are the scenarios in which Comcast shouldn’t bust your chops:
- Customer is moving in with an existing Comcast customer
- Customer is moving to a non-Comcast area, verified by looking up zip code
- Account Holder is deceased / incapacitated and no others in household need services
- Temporary / Seasonal disconnect with no seasonal plans
- Natural disaster
- Customer doesn’t know the address they’re moving to
Having employed the last scenario just last year, I can verify that the process was far shorter than I had anticipated. The customer service agent simply didn’t have any response when I explained I had no idea what my plans were and I was already in the process of moving out. The call took about 15 minutes total, and my service was canceled without a hitch.
It’s also comforting to know that Comcast won’t try to sell you on its latest triple play bundle if you’re dead, although honestly we wouldn’t be surprised if the company decided to change that in the future as well.
If you’re having trouble canceling your own service, be sure to give these “scenarios” a try. The full manual can be found below as well.