In his regular HBO show that features “the fewest games and the least impressive thrones,” John Oliver has a segment in which he tries to understand why some things still exist, like daylight savings time or the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. But he’s now looking to figure out why some things that we desperately need haven’t been invented yet.

Last Week Tonight is on vacation for Memorial Day, so Oliver recorded a YouTube exclusive video to tell us some of the things he’d like to see invented to make our lives easier.

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“[While] there are many things in this world that should no longer be things, there are also many non things that should absolutely be thingified,” Oliver says. “Brought into thingsistence, if you will.”

Some of the things Oliver wants to be invented include a universal safe word for getting out of small talk that’s run its course, a wink for proposing threesomes, Ambien but for getting through the day, a biodegradable treadmill that starts to break down after a month of misuse, bread pants, and a search engine that lets parents search for phrases like “the guy who’s on that show we like” and “oh, she’s married to what’s his face.”

The entire segment follows below, and we can only hope it becomes a regular segment on Last Week Tonight.

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