Ah, North Korea. We’d find you really funny if you weren’t such a horrible monument to human misery. The Associated Press, via ABC News, reports that North Korea claims it has discovered the cure to not one, not two, but three! Yes, three! Major diseases that are plaguing humanity right now.

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Specifically, North Korea claims it’s developed a single drug that can cure AIDS, MERS and Ebola all at once. Apparently, this wonder drug is derived from ginseng that’s been “grown from fertilizer mixed with rare-earth elements.” Rare-earth elements are the metals we find in many of our consumer electronics products, so it could be that North Korea heaped a bunch of manure on top of some smartphones and grew ginseng from that. It wouldn’t surprise us one bit.

For what it’s worth, North Korea also tried pushing this drug as a cure for the bird flu back in 2006 but the world wisely decided not to take up the reclusive country on its offer since there’s a good chance it would work about as well as the Miracle Garlic Cures! that have been a staple of Weekly World News covers for the past few decades. Plus North Korea is probably trying to sell this magic ginseng for quadrillions of dollars a pop, so buying into it would be a much more costly mistake than swallowing a bunch of garlic and vinegar and hoping it will cure your prostate cancer.

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