The rumor about an upcoming new iPhone called “iPhone Math” was interesting on many levels. It would be fascinating to see how well an iPhone phablet would sell. But it would also be funny if Apple (AAPL) truly launched a product with a name this stupid. The competition for the dumbest phone name is currently fierce and there is no shortage of strong contenders out there. Here’s my top-five:
- BLU Tank is my current favorite. It combines an annoying misspelling of a color with senseless capitalization of an entire word. As a kicker, the “Tank” portion of the name is misleading and inappropriate for a model that weighs just 92 grams and is only 0.59 inches thick. Packing this much stupidity into only seven letters is an art form.
- Yezz Zenior YZ888 is a hot challenger. It features the double whammy of using three consecutive Z letters in the actual phone name… and then adding a repulsive and meaningless code. This makes remembering the name correctly difficult and pronouncing it impossible. Smooth.
- Spice M-5365 Boss Killer. This atrocity kicks off with a meaningless and unwieldy code and then segues insanely into a violent and tasteless name that can be interpreted as a reference to workplace murder. For sheer weirdness, this one is hard to top. Disappointingly, everything is spelled correctly and there are no randomly capitalized letters.
- Micromax Superfone Punk A44. This one has a nice combo of running on way too long, throwing in a “funky” misspelling and then innocently incorporating a term that actually has a nasty sexual undertone. A solid effort.
- Karbonn K36+ Jumbo Mini. Another winner. Start with a grating misspelling, move smoothly to a dumb code with a plus sign, then top the whole effort off with a ridiculous oxymoron.